Monday, February 16, 2009

ECONOMIC STIMULUS PAYMENT

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment This is a very exciting new program that I wil explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? 
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money? 
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? 
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment? 
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of
China? 
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the
US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

  • If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
  • If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
  •  If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic). 
  • If you buy a car it will go to Japan
  • If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in
America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US. 

Scripture of the Day

"Bring ye all the tithes
into the storehouse, that
there may be meat in mine house,
and prove me now herewith,
saith the Lord of hosts;
if I will not open you the
windows of heaven, and pour
you out a blessing, that
there shall not be room enough
to receive it

-Malachi 3:10-
Country Wisdom

"Friendship is
a plant
which must
often be
watered."

-German Proverb-

Weird things my Family Says

Walt to Maureen, the day of the Talk: Try to say Polo- Ponies not paloponees people will understand you...
Maureen: When do I say that? before or after the talk?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Steven: Why do I have to do laundry. Just buy me more clothes...
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Samantha: I'm six (not really) I can go out by myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Steven: "Mom!! Samantha is not sharing her milk"
Samantha: "NOoo! I have GOODIES, I'm coughing"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Samantha, the day we didn't know where Oddie was: " Mami!! Oddie TESTAPIER"...
Mom giggling: "don't worry we'll find him"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Samantha to mom the day she had her teeth checked at school:
"The doctor said I don't have cabinets in my teeth"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Samantha to Steven the day he came from school and rang the doorbell as he opened the door with his key:
"Why you ding the dong?"

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